When you see a Rainbow

I'll be honest. I struggle with being real on this blog. I don't want people to think I'm complaining or griping or being super negative. So I tend to gloss over the hard stuff. But that shows an unrealistic, unbalanced view of our life. So bear with me as I try to find the balance of being real.

 

This has been, by far, the hardest  two weeks of homeschooling to date. This is our third official year - and I felt relatively comfortable going into it. The ironic thing is it's not the teaching/learning part that has proven incredibly challenging these past two weeks. It's my sweet, loveable, very hot tempered  19 month old that has made it tough.  

I love Owen more than life itself. He brings such joy to our lives! He is also a toddler. A toddler that is broaching two. He has a mind of his own and is learning how to use it. He doesn't like the word "no," he wants his way at.this.very.moment.right.now.and.what's.taking.you.so.long.to.comply.with.my.demands! And because his vocabulary is limited, his means of expressing frustration is SCREAMING.AS.LOUD.AS.POSSIBLE! In other words, he is a typical toddler.

However, I just didn't factor that into our homeschooling.

Owen would wake up happy and be playing and enjoying life...until school started. Then a dark cloud would roll over our house and it was tantrum after tantrum after screaming.so.loud.I.dare.you.to.think.straight tantrum.  It was so hard for the boys (and their teacher) to focus through it. So they (and I) would struggle and get frustrated. I would end up sending them to other rooms of the house so they could think through their school work. Their attitudes were less than desirable...but to be fair...mine wasn't much better.

We could not do this all year. My patience was already shot and it wasn't fair to the older boys to deal with a grouchy baby AND teacher.

Something had to give. And it had to be the constant.ear.piercing.I.will.not.allow.anyone.to.enjoy.life temper tantrums. They just had to go. But how?  I knew I had to be consistent...something that is always easier said than done in my world. It was easier to give in, because if I could keep him quiet by giving him what he wanted there was at least a possibility we could focus. But that would only teach him that his tantrums would get him what he wanted. It was frustrating because he had everything he needed...his toys were there, I had given him his own desk, he had books to look at and a full belly. The only thing he didn't have was 100% of my undivided attention...and we all know...a toddler wants attention right.now.or.I.will.throw.myself.on.the.floor.and.demand.it.........AT.THE.TOP.OF.MY.LUNGS!!

So it was decided...ya know, between me and myself and all the conversations I had with myself inside my head, that I would not give in to his tantrums. I wouldn't let the boys give in to his tantrums. Owen needed to learn that he would not get what he wanted if he threw himself on the floor and howled like a monkey. It.just.couldn't.happen.  And it wasn't even like giving in to him allowed for great focus. He would scream to get on my lap, so I would plop him on my lap and then he would squirm and wreak havoc on the desk by grabbing the boys pencils, glue, erasers, worksheets....then I would put him down - and of course he would scream like a howler monkey and attempt to climb me like a rock wall.

So, when he threw a tantrum, we just ignored him. It was hard to talk through his screaming, but we did. Then I would send the boys to a room where they could focus. If he demanded I hold him by screaming at me and trying to scale me like a mountain goat - I would (and believe me, this took every ounce of patience I had and then some...I really just wanted to scream myself) look at him and softly say, "Say, up Mamma." If he continued to scream like a banshee, I wouldn't pick him up. This would make him even more mad, because why be rational when you're 19 months old?

Rinse and Repeat this process for the entire school day. It was brutal. By the end, my nerves were shot -as was everyone's.

But then - like a ray of sunshine on a rainy day - something miraculous happened today. I had readied myself for another day of battle, but to my surprise, Owen followed us into the school room and sat at his little desk looking at books. Then he played. He smiled. He laughed.  It was a breath of fresh air! It brought a whole new attitude and focus to the schoolroom. Not to say there weren't a few rough moments here and there - but that's to be expected with a toddler.  And of course, the boys had their moments where it was hard to stay focused here and there, but that's to be expected  with a first and second grader, too. But it was night and day compared with the other days. It was plain and simply - doable.

 

So, I encourage you homeschooling Mommies and Daddies out there who have to parent young ones all the while teaching your older ones.

Hang in there.

Stay consistent.

 Be encouraged.

There will be hard days, weeks, maybe even months. This job is not easy. It is hard. Really hard. There will be times where we feel like complete failures. But we are doing our best. We really are.

You are doing a good job.

Until today, I felt like I was leaving our school days a complete failure. I couldn't do it. Why did I think I was capable of this? And the only positive I could find was, "Well, at least we survived." But let me give you hope. If it's rough going - take heart - there is hope - there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Stick with it.

Muddle through.

We will find our groove.

We can do it.

We really can do it.

I don't know what tomorrow's school day holds. It may resemble today...or it may look like the cloudy days before it. But if it does dawn cloudy, I have the rainbow of today to look at - to remind myself that staying consistent and just keeping on - is worth it.

It really is.