The Big D

This will hopefully be the first of my “deployment” blogs. As you may or may not know, I am deploying soon- how soon is still a bit foggy, but suffice to say it is very soon and my next post could likely be from someplace other than Germany (how’s that for subtlety?). My intent is to blog as often as possible over the next 12-15 months (still hoping for 12, Congress!), and hopefully I can convey what it feels like to be there in Iraq, away from my family, and everything else that goes along with the whole experience.

I initially thought about doing a separate blog altogether- I even thought about doing it anonymously so I could let fly about anything and everything- but settled on doing it here. Why? I guess I figured that an event that affects my entire family should be viewed through the proper lens, and that would include my perspective in Iraq as well as Mindy’s and the boy’s from back here.

I am not planning on getting too “Deep Thoughts” on everyone, but am looking forward to the chance to kick around any topics that pop into my head (or your heads). I would love lots of feedback from anyone and everyone who reads; from little one line “thinking/praying about yous” to full fledged “give us your description of how things are going there,” they are all more than welcome. Obviously there are some rules I have to abide by, so be forewarned- I can’t do specific stuff (“What is your 10-digit MGRS grid, Chris?” or “What time do your guys roll out every morning?”), and I can’t really go too far with my crazy opinions on things (“Do you hate George Bush?”), but I would love to talk about anything else. I expect to work the night shift in a fairly low-intensity area, so I may just need this as my escape.

So I started packing tonight. I am at least a week overdue, but it can be hard to come to grips with this whole thing. I’ve been to Iraq once before (for those that didn’t know that) and I’ve been on Lord knows how many field problems in my six plus years in the Army Experience, so you would think I would have this packing thing down. But this is Chris we’re talking about here- Mr. Procrastination- so this is what we get. I swore this time that I would pack early so I could spend the last few days doing whatever I wanted to do, but that slowly traded places- we’ve been cramming in all sorts of activities, and packing became the last thing to do. The actual packing is pretty easy, even if I invariably bring way more than I need…mostly because of my hatred of laundry, I have about a hundred pairs of t-shirts, undies, and socks so it takes up way more space than I would like. I will probably have most of it figured out by tomorrow, with a few extra additions for the last minute. I’m also getting a list of stuff for Mindy to mail to me once I am gone, like my PS2, my iPod radio, and a few other things too big for me to lug onto an airplane on top of everything else I have to carry.

Obviously the thing that is hardest about this whole experience is the leaving. I have this weird feeling of an impending emotional reaction…just not here at the surface yet. I don’t know if it’s denial- maybe I am just an unfeeling robo-man- but it hasn’t bubbled up yet. I feel like it’s going to clobber me once the reality sets in. I think my mind, in order to maintain my sanity and keep my heart from stopping, has decided that I will just not think about this until the absolute last moment it has to. Which, ok, I guess that’s a method.

I think the hardest thing is leaving Luke. That’s not to take anything away from Mindy or Will (Mindy and I have talked about this, and she gets it…I think…) but Luke and I have really formed a strong bond, and he’s at that age where something like this could really effect him. Mindy is a trooper- that’s thanks to the deployment and those field problems I mentioned earlier- and of course I will miss my wife. I think with Mindy my biggest concern is her left holding the bag on two kids under the age of two (not something I would ever willingly sign up for- every time she goes out and leaves me in charge, I keep a close eye on the door for her arrival…I don’t know how she does it every day. I am a big wuss). Will is in that bug-eyed, look around at everything stage, and after going through this stage with Luke I feel like we have time to catch up on missed time when I return. I will miss them both terribly, but I know they will survive. Luke on the other hand…every time I think about leaving I picture him waking up every morning for a year and asking “Daddy? Daddy?” as he walks down the hall in his PJs. And you wonder why I feel the impending emotion. Maybe it’ll be ok- “ok” being relative to those of us who know what leaving really means- but man, it breaks my heart. I am really not looking forward to that moment. I already told Mindy I was going to say goodbye at the house and walk down to work (even though families are allowed there until we go). I don’t think my soldiers will have much respect for a blubbering idiot.

OK, that's all I have to say about that. I'll post more when I can...whenever that is. Please keep all of us in your prayers as we enter this whole experience. As a wise man once said, I'll see you on the other side...